well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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