I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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