Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think I sprained my soul last night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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