There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
