he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
