if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
