I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
