Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
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Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?