dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I look excited, but its just a facade.