I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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