I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
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Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's rum buckets o'clock
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.