Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I can tuck mytits in my pants
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
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You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
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He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob