Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
