in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i need an iv and a liver transplant
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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