U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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