It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
