My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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