The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
