im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
