i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize