i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
