Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
