hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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