I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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