and i looked up. we had an audience...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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