Barsexuality is the new black.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
