My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
