oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Randomize
