after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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