1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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