Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize