Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
