He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
