You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
