the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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