Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
