I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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