i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
