I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
