So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
