everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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