if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
