So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
