I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
