Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
