i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
