I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms