Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You dont lie about slip and slides
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed