i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Someone came in the potted fern
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
