So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??