took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.