god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
