i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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