My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
