I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
