Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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