umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
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two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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