I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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