**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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