Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
