i think my tv is drunk
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
