My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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