Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
