I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
