I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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