you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
