My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
