between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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