I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
